This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by James Woolwine 4 days, 22 hours ago.
- January 6, 2019 at 9:25 am #31457
My co-writer and I wrote this for music licensing. Before we think about recording, we would appreciate some feedback on the songwriting. Any critiques or suggestions are appreciated. Here’s a link and the lyrics. Thanks!
Together – James Woolwine, Augustine Altomare
Left, right, march ahead. We’re an army that’ll run you over
step high, with big smiles while the world’s on our shoulders
we can make your ground shake like a freakin’ earthquake
there’s no storm we can’t weather when we are together
Together we’re strong we can’t lose
Together we’ll find a way to break through
As one we stand, hand in hand
Now hear our chorus the swell of a thousand voices
Won’t back down, that’s just not in our code
U-ni-fied we’ll stop anything you throw
All for one and one for all, we make each other better
We can be something great, that will last forever when we stand…
We’re growing, we’re growing, stronger
ChorusJanuary 6, 2019 at 11:39 am #31459
My initial impression is that the song’s close to recording. Nice job fellas!
I would say, however, some cosmetic lyric re-writes i.e., 2nd vs. may be wise to consider. Specifically the first, second and fourth lines. “Code” stuck out to me. You might consider shortening the 4 line something like, “We can/will be great, forever we/we’ll stand” something that smooths the line out. Spend each word like a hundred dollar bill:)
While the chorus (musically) works, you might try “lifting” the melody…make it a bit different. To my mind, there’s not enough differentiation chord wise and/or melodically from the verses to bring home the bacon so to speak:) Obviously, I could be very wrong about this. Just a thought.
Lastly, I really think you guys should consider a female vocal. Not necessarily a “tween” but more mature “teen.” A torch song for the women’s movement comes to mind. Empowering sort of thing.
Thanks for sharing. Hope some of this helps. Look forward to hearing the end product. Good luck my friend!January 6, 2019 at 4:47 pm #31460
Thanks James, & Augustine. “I actually Get It!!” (No really, I appreciate You!)
I would not try to go with anything modern, “Your message though is timely”.
Think back to songs like “I’d like to teach The World to Sing in Perfect Harmony”.
It needs a “Very Hopeful, and Optimistic sounding Female to do the majority of the vocals”.
I also would use a lot of “Natural Sounds” (Birds, Rippling Water, Wind chimes, etc)
I would start with the Chorus first, and then to a “Softer and more universal approach to the lyrics in the first verse” (Your message needs to touch all ages, without being too abrasive, or slightly too adult)
(Just a Thought..)
Together We Stand As One, Hand In Hand
Together We’re Strong, and We Must Hold On
Together We’ll Find A Way To Break Thru
Together Starts With Me & You
I wish You James & Augustine many blessing from The Most High!January 10, 2019 at 5:56 pm #31488
Thanks for such detailed feedback cozyhand3 and Beatslinger!