To whom this may concern,
Please excuse me from my usual tasks as a music creator for a while. I can’t help but feel that this latest global crisis, the coronavirus, is thwarting my Creative Brilliance. 🙂 What’s that you say? You say I should be writing up a storm, given the lack of distractions? That I have all the time in the world? That I have no excuses now for my lack of motivation?
But that’s just it! Days seem to drag on forever. The TV talking heads drone in the background, the numbers escalate, and I seem to have become nearly numb to the daily reports of human misery on a colossal scale. I long for reassurances from our leaders with phrases like, “The buck stops here!” and “We have nothing to fear but fear itself!” and “Courage is not having the strength to go on, but going on when you don’t have the strength.” But all I get (from one particular leader, anyway) is stuff like, “I take no responsibility at all!” and claims that what we are witnessing before our very eyes is a hoax or a conspiracy. Or maybe, somehow, that everything is hunky-dory! That there are plenty of supplies for all our health care workers and first responders. That we will pull out of this predicament within a couple of weeks. (Even though we can’t escape the images of doctors and nurses swathed in Hefty bags and bandanas. Of seasoned health care workers weeping. Or the image of a long refrigerator truck parked outside a hospital in Queens.)
So, I admit it: I am having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other. Some of us are a little anxious, a little blue, and we can’t shake this feeling of being at loose ends. The world has gone topsy-turvy. I sit at my keyboard and stare at the monitor. I feel creatively constipated. And the harder I try – Well, you know how that goes!
So, at least for right now, while I am disinfecting everything I own, wearing gloves when I dare to go out in public, (although, as I write, I am too damn old to even go to the market while all this is happening); while I am unable to comingle with our friends and neighbors – even family – except at a distance – Now, while we are all grieving the loss of many, and dreading what may come next, I am giving myself permission to feel what I feel, write if I want to – and walk away from my workstation if I need to.
So, please excuse me. The exact date is TBD, but I will return to my musical chores as soon as I can. Meanwhile, saying a heartfelt prayer for those who are suffering and those who are grieving.
I had a teacher in grade school, Miss Maloney, who taught us that in Ireland, the best potatoes came from the rockiest soil. Well, this is rocky soil, indeed. Perhaps I will be harvesting my richest crop yet of delicious musical “potatoes” come fall. . . or maybe I myself will be a wiser, stronger, more compassionate “potato” when this is all over. That is my hope.
Take care, and stay safe and healthy — With love, Robin