Song critque

[cozyhand3]

Hi everyone,

I’ve pitched this song to a couple of lib’s so far and they passed because it is too wordy and story driven. They prefer songs/lyrics which are more vague and leave room for dialogue for placement purposes. I get it, but I still believe in the song! I realize that because I believe in it, however, does not make it a good song however!
Maybe I haven’t pitched it enough and/or having a hard time taking “no” for an answer. While I’d appreciate any suggestions how to make the song stronger of course, I would also be grateful for any thoughts any of you may have which could make the song perhaps more attractive and viable for commercial purposes.
I’m sure you’ve all had a similar experience and perhaps sometimes one must simply “murder” their darlings:) Just looking for some professional opinions about this.
Thank you for your time!
Jesse

[Michael Nickolas]

I think you are having trouble taking no for an answer.

The first lesson I learned many years ago was to keep vocals sparse and non-specific. I was told things like don’t use proper names and dates. For an example my first publisher said don’t write a song about meeting Mary Christmas time of 2004. It’s not going to fly.

You’ve captured a nice groove in a style very popular these days. If feedback says it’s too wordy and story driven for licensing, make a new version. But you might have grown too attached to it to do so!

[BEATSLINGER]

Hey Brother, I would go in and do another mix of it. “treat it like a TV Mix/Minus 1 for live performances” where it’s instrumental until the hooks.

Super catchy Track, and “the way it is now” it would basically be good as a “song placement” or a branding campaign with “no dialog” (Kinda like how they do Mac Products)

[cozyhand3]

Hey Michael,
I believe you’re right that I’m having trouble taking no for an answer. Your second point especially hit home. That is, making a “new version” at this point (not afraid to re-write at all) would be too painful:) The story/lyric is locked in my head and by reducing the amount of words, in this particular case, would tell a story I’m not willing to undertake…SO… you’re right again. I have grown too attached to it to make a new version. I won’t be pitching it as is. I’ll chalk it up to a lesson learned!

Thanks so much, Michael. I appreciate you taking the time to weigh in.

Jesse

[cozyhand3]

Hi Beatslinger!

That’s a really interesting idea about “keeping the song instrumental until the hooks.”
Hmmm…interesting indeed. Could make the song much shorter too.
I’m sorry, but what do you mean exactly when you say, Minus 1 for live performances? Do you mean, Minus the lyric?

Some really good food for thought, Beatslinger!
Thank you for your time and weighing in.

Jesse

[LAwriter]

Jesse – from my personal perspective – becoming “attached” to songs in a production music setting is extremely non-productive. That’s an “artist” perspective. Which is perfectly OK, just not too conducive to making good production music. Sounds like you may be trying to shoehorn your music into a niche that it doesn’t really belong in. For what it’s worth…

[cozyhand3]

LAwriter,

It’s worth a lot. Nicely put! Especially the “shoehorn” part!

Thank you so much, LAwriter.

Jesse

[Michael Nickolas]

Jesse, most of my income comes from custom writing songs for the educational market. Whatever the client says, goes. I may think I’ve provided the greatest song ever, but if they say slow it down, change the melody and make it shorter then I say how slow, how much shorter and where should the melody change. And you know what, sometimes it actually makes for a better song. At least for the intended purpose.

So it’s easy for me to take that attitude over to library work. Like LAwriter says, you have to stay unattached. If you are happy not to change it to get placements, it may be a candidate (as is) for streaming radio/background music deals or compilation albums instead.

[cozyhand3]

Michael,
Point taken!
While on rare occasions it has been requested of me to write this way or think that way as you’ve alluded to (assignments), but mostly I do what feels good to me with hopefully increasing awareness of what is commercially viable in a particular genre, before I spend time and money to record them. I do find at times myself when I divorce certain aspects of what I’m writing…and marry something else…sometimes the blend of the old and new does indeed make the song better. Sometime an entirely new approach is required. On the other hand, sometimes things will fall into my lap like ripe cherries:)
Michael thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here!
Jesse

[Hicham]

I like it very much! Great sound and voice!

[Kery Michael]

Nicely composed and well mixed. Lots of nice of little accents throughout that indicate time, love, and polishing of the song. I’m new to this business myself, as a matter of fact just accepted to my first library today.

But the way I understand it is that this isn’t the world of the struggling artist, who spends his days polishing a masterpiece of aching beauty and brilliance. That’s a nice picture. But I’m afraid this is the world of factory production, pull a lever and a song pops out, Just keep working the line, keep digging the mines, and sometimes something beautiful will fall out. Just don’t stop working and fall in love with it, gotta move on.

[cozyhand3]

Thank you very much for your comments. AND congrats on your “first” library deal:)

[cozyhand3]

Thank you very much!

[Author]

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