Feedback on licensing song?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  James Woolwine 6 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #31457 Reply

    James Woolwine

    My co-writer and I wrote this for music licensing. Before we think about recording, we would appreciate some feedback on the songwriting. Any critiques or suggestions are appreciated. Here’s a link and the lyrics. Thanks!

    Together – James Woolwine, Augustine Altomare

    Verse 1
    Left, right, march ahead. We’re an army that’ll run you over
    step high, with big smiles while the world’s on our shoulders
    we can make your ground shake like a freakin’ earthquake
    there’s no storm we can’t weather when we are together

    Chorus
    Together, Together
    Together we’re strong we can’t lose
    Together we’ll find a way to break through
    As one we stand, hand in hand
    Now hear our chorus the swell of a thousand voices

    Verse 2
    Won’t back down, that’s just not in our code
    U-ni-fied we’ll stop anything you throw
    All for one and one for all, we make each other better
    We can be something great, that will last forever when we stand…

    Chorus
    Bridge
    We’re growing, we’re growing, stronger

    Chorus

    #31459 Reply

    cozyhand3
    Participant

    Hey James,

    My initial impression is that the song’s close to recording. Nice job fellas!

    I would say, however, some cosmetic lyric re-writes i.e., 2nd vs. may be wise to consider. Specifically the first, second and fourth lines. “Code” stuck out to me. You might consider shortening the 4 line something like, “We can/will be great, forever we/we’ll stand” something that smooths the line out. Spend each word like a hundred dollar bill:)

    While the chorus (musically) works, you might try “lifting” the melody…make it a bit different. To my mind, there’s not enough differentiation chord wise and/or melodically from the verses to bring home the bacon so to speak:) Obviously, I could be very wrong about this. Just a thought.
    Lastly, I really think you guys should consider a female vocal. Not necessarily a “tween” but more mature “teen.” A torch song for the women’s movement comes to mind. Empowering sort of thing.
    Thanks for sharing. Hope some of this helps. Look forward to hearing the end product. Good luck my friend!

    #31460 Reply

    BEATSLINGER
    Participant

    Thanks James, & Augustine. “I actually Get It!!” (No really, I appreciate You!)

    I would not try to go with anything modern, “Your message though is timely”.

    Think back to songs like “I’d like to teach The World to Sing in Perfect Harmony”.

    It needs a “Very Hopeful, and Optimistic sounding Female to do the majority of the vocals”.

    I also would use a lot of “Natural Sounds” (Birds, Rippling Water, Wind chimes, etc)

    I would start with the Chorus first, and then to a “Softer and more universal approach to the lyrics in the first verse” (Your message needs to touch all ages, without being too abrasive, or slightly too adult)

    (Just a Thought..)
    Together, Together
    Together We Stand As One, Hand In Hand
    Together We’re Strong, and We Must Hold On
    Together We’ll Find A Way To Break Thru
    Together Starts With Me & You

    I wish You James & Augustine many blessing from The Most High!

    #31488 Reply

    James Woolwine

    Thanks for such detailed feedback cozyhand3 and Beatslinger!

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